cowboy take me away.....

this has been one of, if not the hardest years i have ever had.... and it all started last september.... there were good points, but there were also a great deal of pain and trials....

for example, this week ended on a sad note. I have had a dog for 18 years, a miniature poodle, named cuddles. When i came home from work thursday afternoon, we found her on the floor in the kitchen, she looked like she was sleeping, but it was more like she passed out. She was laying there, and whenever she would wake up, she would wake up crying. We had to make the hardest decision we ever had, we decided to have her put to death.

I know that most of you won't understand why this was a hard decision for us... she would have been "just a dog" to most of you.... and she was a dog, but I nicknamed her NANA because, when I was younger, every time I would cry, which happened a lot during school years, she would find me no matter where i was in the house and climb into my arms, lick my cheeks and snuggle me.

I have had a really bad last month and a half.... in fact this year has not been the best, but as one of my close friends said the other night, "it's over now." and that is right, it is over. Now is the time to move forward. There are so many big things that I am believing God for right now, and so of course this all comes up, to discourage me and make me quit, but i made a promise to God, that I would stand, stand I will!

through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come. tis grace thats brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.

my subject line is how i am really feeling. i want to go into a field and yell... yell and scream and get it all out. i want to run through a field and scream, and then fall down and stare at the sky in the arms of a man that can keep me safe from all this crap. thats what i want. i've been waiting for a long time for a husband, and kids.... not that i'm saying that i will stop waiting, im just saying that it has been a long time. and whenever i have a bad day or so, i really just want to curl up into someones arms... so i curl up in God's words for now, and i realize that HE is the shoulder i can cry on....and he is the strength that i draw from.

-me