Recklessly abandoning myself before you

Well its been a bit since ive written. I decided to blut out what is on my heart right now.... just cuz, im tired of it swishing around in my head.

I feel like in every situation in my life, or most situations in my life, im at a crossroad. but funnily enough, i dont see either roads, i just know they are there. I love what i do in ministry, but i feel like I am supposed to step it up a level, though im not sure how. I dont know what to do or what not to do for that matter.

When i quit my job, (and yes for those of you out there, i did need to walk when i did, if you care to know why, please come and ask me.) I felt so good, i felt so free. But now i feel that i am just as much bound to freedom as i was bound to my jobs. I wanted to pray tons more and seek God more and move mountains, and i have not even moved mole hills. there was that week that we really upped the spiritual warfare, but now i feel like ive joined the crowd in apathy.

I know i need to DO something, I just dont know what, where.... should i make the first move, should I ask for more responsibilitys, should I press forward in specific areas and leave others in the dust. all i know is that im not where i could or should be. that is ALL i know for sure. not that im so far off the mark, but i know there is something im missing. The lyrics i put at the end really express how i feel in every area of my life, in my relationships with God, people, guys, in my ministry and future... and what i really want....

I feel these four walls closing in
Face up against the glass
I'm looking out,
Is this my life I'm wondering
It happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around
Is this the bed I chose to make
There's greener pastures I'm thinking about
wide open spaces far away

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but not feel scared

wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind, I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses,

I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare-back, care-free
Along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumping head-first, head-long
Without a thought
To act and DAMN the consequence
How I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free

wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind, I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses, oh

I wanna run too
Recklessly abandoning myself before you
I wanna open up my heart
Tell him how I feel,

wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind, I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses

love ya'll
-me